The time in Guatemala was honestly pretty rough for me. For most it would have been the cold bucket showers, the lack of a roof and floor, and cold nights that got to them. For me, I’m very at home with such living conditions; I almost prefer it to luxury.
My first World Race was essentially the peak of my relationship with God. I’ve never been so close in fellowship with Him than then, when I could casually have a conversation with Him throughout the day. During the time in the US I was still enjoying the after affects of that shockwave, but slowly entered a sort of spiritually desert. I still loved God and knew He loved me; I continued to serve Him where He had me. But that feeling of close fellowship with Him slowly slipped away. I was still close to Him and loved Him, but I wasn’t “hearing from Him” as I had been.
My frustration with the silence climaxed in Guatemala. In my mind I was no longer in a spiritual desert but fully abandoned by God. His Word claims that if we seek Him we shall find Him, and yet despite my deep longing for that afore mentioned fellowship with Him I’d never felt further from Him in my life. I’ve written a blog before about the worst hour of my life when for the first time I was unable to choose to be joyful in His will. This time I was feeling that misery for weeks on end.
God has lifted me out of that place beautifully through my squad and the leadership of my squad, and despite its darkness I can’t help but be grateful for it, for it has given me further understanding of the price of Christ’s cross.
I felt alone and abandoned, at a time when I appreciated fellowship more than ever before. Of course I was anything but alone; God was there the whole time, and I was surrounded by a team who loves and cares for me. I had chosen to come to Guatemala because the God who’s given Me everything asked me to. Jesus, in contrast, chose to leave the right hand of the Father to be fully and completely abandoned by Him. “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” He cried from His cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” He was entirely separated from the Father at the time He most needed Him by His side. And rather than I, who went almost kicking and screaming on the behalf of He who has given me everything, He endured this literal hell for the sake of men and women who had done nothing for Him, who had openly left him for false gods and their own desires and called him Enemy.
Never forget the love God has for you. We can never know the depths He dove and mountains He climbed on that day, and how far He is willing to chase you to share His gift. He is a God of love, joy, peace, goodness, faithfulness, mercy, justice, and kindness.
